Lt Stan came downtown

Every now and again when you get the keys to a Ferrari, you’ve got to enter it in a demolition derby.  Why would anyone want to put a finely tuned piece of machinery in a situation where it could get beat up?  Because, this is America.  These were just some of my thoughts as I drove to lovely downtown MHC with my boy Poca for The Table Setter.  With many stars scheduled to appear, YHC had to remind some folks he can still get it done.  Much like when The Beatles led the British invasion of Rock and Roll in the late 60s, Tweed had led an invasion of the Beaufort Hogs to a place where they usually only come for groceries.  Twitty wants me to say Beaufort Rules, but I’m not gonna do it.

With the appropriate pleasantries exchanged, minute warnings and what not, we had to wait an extra minute so FripOva could finish giving each member of the Pax a Merry Christmas hug to spread holiday cheer.  Tclaps Flip.  Also present was a familiar face, our FNG Jason Flemming , soon to be known as Sponge Bob.  A bunch of us “met” Jason on Saturday night at PLM following the Carterican Christmas Party and Awards Extravaganza.  He and his wife were minding their own business, having a cocktail, when they were besieged by many HIMs, their wives, and Nippleshot’s phone.  After much screaming, slurring, and debauchery he is quoted as saying, “I gotta see what these crazy a#$%*les do at 5:30 in the morning.”  And just like that, we’ve got another HIM.  Instead of an emotional headlock, it was a drunk and disorderly headlock.  The kind that only Jang can get you out of.  Take that Mini Me.

Properly disclaimed and missioned, the Pax took off tords the West, all the while missing one of its stalwarts.  The men of the Table Setter met with the Bands of Brothers in a very obvious, and well lit, parking lot just off of Evans St.  Let the record reflect, that this is also a place we have used in the past.  Anyway, we went to the parking lot beside Off The Hook for

Warmarama

SSHs IC x30 (Duck)

Cotton Pickers IC x20 (Winnie the Poo)

Irish Potato Pickers IC x10 (Duck)

Sun Gods IC x10 each direction (Poo)

Hand Release Merkins IC x10 (Duck)

Imperial Walkers or Hillbillies IC x15 (Poo)

During the SSHs, the white z71 of a tardy Gertrude went blistering down Evans St to the Sanitary lot.  It was decided to “hide” from Gert, let him run by and then we’d chase him, laugh, and revel in his untimely entry.  But hide and seek only works if the other player seeks.  Instead of running down to find us, he drove back by again, turned again, and then left.  The jovial nature of the Pax realized that he hadn’t seen us and our joy turned to somber embarrassment.  Sorry Gert.  We all know who’s fault it was.  You know they say the eyesight is the first to go.  And by we all know who’s fault it was, it was Puddles’.  It was Puddles’ idea.

With that the Pax said goodbye, again having to wait for Flip to finish giving hugs to the Bands fellas, and were off towards Just The Tip Park.  You know, just to see how it felt for

Many Thangs

Arriving at the parking on the western boundary, the Pax lined up for some down and backs in the 50 yard parking lot.  As an aside, if the PreBlast says wear gloves, you may expect to find yourself on your hands on some uncomfortable surfaces.  This aside was brought to you by the Law offices of Duck, Duck, and Goose.

Bear crawl down and back

Broad jump burpee down and backwards lunge back

Lt. Dan down and Lt. Stan back

Karoke down and back

Bear crawl down and inch worm merkin back

What is Lt. Stan you ask causally to yourself as you continue to read?  It’s a 4 count bear crawl and then a merkin.  It sucks.  @Au Jus did 6 of them.  Bayliner actually told me to go F myself.  Hilary was still in bed.  Apparently, it was a crowd pleaser.

Up and on the mosey, we headed north to the intersection of 9^th and Arendell.  Second Mile was breathing heavily through a most majestic mustache that would’ve made ladies in the early 80s spasm.  Wolverine however was not impressed.  Steamer actually met one of his mid 30s lady friends on the bicycle rack on 9^th St.  So in an homage to Steam, we would sprint to the rack and then jog to the intersection.  We completed this four times.  Which is an obvious nod to his four children.

We then proceeded to mosey towards the bigly Christmas tree in Just the Tip Park.  It has actually been placed there by Aflac and his family in an effort to remind you that unrecycled Fanta cans kill 1 Americans each year.  I agree it’s a fact that goes largely unnoticed.  Hence the tree.  Another little-known fact is that Reef Donkey is a huge Alice in Chains fan.  He was actually a roadie on there 2013 The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here tour.  You may have noticed the tattoo.

Out of respect for his Chains love, the Pax lined up along the boundary chain for some shoulder unpleasantness.  The Pax would play a Simon Says-esque game called Duck says.  We rotated through the following exercises; high plank holds, low plank holds, and derkins.  Lassie was beside me.  He did every single rep and every second of the planks.  He also moaned like the days of old.  Twas a good feeling to make that happen.  We rotated through those exercises a couple of times and then we were off to the intersection of 8^th and Evans for 20 Copperhead Squats in cadence.  Our locomotion to advance easterly down Evans following the squats would be the Duck walk.  Originally it was to be but 25 yards.  However, some ugly comments directed toward YHC’s height resulted in extending the Duck walk about 75 yards.  The lesson there kids is if you mess with the Duck you get the walk.

Heading back from whence we came, we did two left turns and headed up the fountain at the jib for

11 dips, 11 erkins

7 dips, 7 erkins

5 dips, 5 erkins

3 dips, 3 erkins

2 dips, 2 erkins

Rooney was quick to point out these were all prime numbers.  Ding ding ding.  Very good Roon.  For those that do not know, Duck got his job at WCHS when Rooney went to principal school.  Also, Duck’s 2^nd floor window does not have a screen in it.  That is because Rooney mounted a window unit air conditioner in the classroom when the school’s A/C went down.  True story.

The Pax got back on the mosey back towards the Sanitary with our FNG Sponge Bob setting the pace.  Once back we had a few minutes for

Mary

Penguin Crunches IC x10

Penguin Crunches again IC x20

Knee Rolls IC x :30

WWI x20

Annoucements

Tweed announced a convergence for this Thursday in Beaufort.

Christmas Party was an enormous success.  We hope Hilary has recovered from his concussion sustained at the hands of the jenga blocks.

Jang is still 38, for the 3^rd consecutive year.

Mack Brown is making his presence known to the good people at NC State

Prayer Concerns

Lassie’s brother

Doublemint

FiA Lexington’s Digits; tragically killed after being struck on a FiA run

Steamer took the Pax out in the ball of man.

 

Let us all find peace, give joy, and be the light.

DB, out